I am curious: Why is it people "love" you so much when you are leaving but not so much when you are where you have always been, or after you are gone?
Okay so this is my biggest move yet, but I have certainly left jobs and cities before. It's always the same. People like me well enough but it always takes me to leave for people to realize they like/need/want/appreciate me more than they realized.
But what happens next is, all of a sudden everyone is in a mad rush to see me. Actually "see" me. People who I've been trying to get together with for months or in some cases, years just HAVE to see me before I go. That's really nice, except very few of these people consider that now I am really super busy getting ready to go. Many of them are so used to me being the flexible one all the time so I am usually the one who has to drive somewhere to see them. You know..." I have to see you before you go, can you drive up here though?" and "up here usually means no less than an hour away. Normally, that would be fine. it's true, I AM the flexible one. The one with no kids or husband so clearly that means I have nothing to do right?
In the last 2 weeks alone I have been asked to drive to Hartford, Waterbury, New York City, Boston, Springfield, Brooklyn, Philly, and various places in between. Oh and can I pick up so and so along the way? Normally not a big deal but since I have a 16 hour drive coming up and I don't want my car to give out, and I need every spare moment to get myself organized....not really any of this works for me. Midway points would but I haven't heard those being offered up.
So I've been thinking about this too, as many other things these days. This is always the way. I'm not saying that no one has ever gone out of their way for me...certainly many have, and I appreciate it. But for most people contacting me these days, this is what's going on. Someone actually went so far as to say she would put a little gathering together for me, and then a few days later asked me if I would do it. Huh? When told that I really didn't have the time or the willingness to feel so pathetic as to arrange my own goodbye, she said "but we really really want to see you!" I am thinking I probably won't be seeing that particular group of "friends" before I go.
Then there are the lunchers. These are the co workers you always mean to have lunch with and neither of you can ever find the time, but all of a sudden they simply must do it. The problem there is, they likely still do not have the time, and you now have even less time and more to do. This group of people I think are well meaning, though. I mean, work is work and doesn't often allow for these things. But you know I do think that if it was ever important to have that lunch with me (or I guess, for me to have it with them), we would have made it happen at some point, right?
If you work in a department setting, well that is a special group. These are the people who feel obligated to do something to mark your departure. Usually, it is lunch, or dinner. If you all like each other and are comfortable doing it then it's great! But what if you are not? What if since you have announced your plans they have become more distant from you, at times even pretending you are invisible? What if as a whole you all never really enjoyed spending time together in the first place and now they are "obligated" to show you they care? Or, are they obligated to pretend they care? I am not saying that is the current situation...I am just saying.
Ok so now time has passed, and I have seen whomever and not seen whomever, and I have left. This has always been the test for finding out who really cared about me. This is when I find out who will at the very least shoot me an email here and there to see how things are.
I am notorious for keeping in touch. I am still in touch with bosses and coworkers from jobs I forgot I had! No, it's not weekly. Might even be many months in between but when I send an email to see how they are, they are always so happy to know I am thinking of them. I feel the same way whenever I get one. I am really curious to see who will keep in touch with me this time. Everyday, as my news continues to trickle out, it is bittersweet to hear how much I will be missed. After all, it is the people over anything else that I will truly miss. It's nice to know I will be missed too.
But it also sucks just a little that some people talk like I am dying. Like they will never see or hear from me again. I did have one person tell me that she's not good at keeping in touch, and then looked longingly into space, as if thinking of all the relationships she could have had, if only she dropped a line every now and then. So me being me said, "well maybe this is your chance to get better at that. I certainly plan to keep in touch". She said "oh I'm too old be bothered with any of that stuff!" I actually felt sad for her. I'm not sure why.
I do get sad about knowing that people I used to really enjoy working with or spending time with will eventually forget about me. In that way it is a bit like death, since I believe that it is always in memory that we live on in every sense. I don't know...I always am curious to know how people turn out. I know we tend to think of children in that way but adults....we "turn out" too. Children grow up, and we grow older, and if we are lucky, we have some great experiences. For me, that has always included not just places or things, but people. Sigh....
Of course, it seems some people have already buried me, but you know, that's okay with me. It is, in my mind, the most honest thing to do. Not everyone is going to like me, and if they never did....certainly, when I leave is not the time to pretend about it. I'm fine with that. Less lunches I need to try to plan before I go...or....get out of.
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